I can not believe that it is now less than 2 weeks until christmas. Crazy how quickly it has come about this year. I served an oldish (becareful Betty) lady at work the other day and she said "wait 'til you get to my age, the years just fly by". Thanks love, as if I wasn't already dreading getting older now I know that my life is just gonna get quicker and quicker until wrapping xmas presents will be done by robots, then I'll just be dead !! But I smiled at her, turned around and spat in her coffee...... no wait I didn't admit that...... ;) kidding, seriously though I just sneezed.... ! :) But yeah it is crazy how time seems to fall away with ya, I think it's just as we get older, our days become so routine that days fall into weeks, which fall in to months and then wham, it's that time of year again. Don't know how I can change my routine enough to make time slower, maybe I'll brush my teeth before I wee tomorrow..... oooooo living on the edge. I'll let you know how that goes. But I was shopping the other day and there was something in the back of my brain telling me I had forgotten some one off my list and then I remembered, it was my mum. This is the third christmas now without her but it stills feels wrong not getting her something. I remember having to look through all the sappy cards, trying to find one that didn't want to make me vomit but one I knew she would love. Compromising I believe it is called. I don't do sappy shit and I remember getting her a 'Me To You card' for her last birthday and she turned and said to me "oh right it takes for me to be dying for you to open up", cheers mum, as if it wasn't hard enough to buy the thing. I don't believe in buying a card that is pre written with what some one else has said and believes that people want to hear, man up and say it yourself, or be like me and don't, just write it all down and put it on the web ;) How can my feelings for someone be summed up like that, I just don't think its right, if I have to buy a card it's either a truly random one (just like me), or I don't like you so I didn't spend much time thinking about it. Sorry. With mum though it was always a constant battle of her getting me to open up, and now I'd give anything to tell her I love her. It just feels so wrong missing out the mum section in clintons, and when I see something thinking "she would love that", and writing all my tags out but never writing one for her. God christmas won't be the same. Getting a text from her at like 3 in the morning stating "if I have to be awake to put this god dam turkey in then so do you" I DON'T EVEN LIKE TURKEY!!!! Then she would just sit there and smoke herself silly, and completely over cook the thing, then us all just smiling politely making yummy noises !! Even writing this shit it hard. The more I think about her the more I just miss her...............
On that note I am gonna go. I think this was more of an off load but my head still feels like shit. Gonna have to turn to chocolate I'm afraid which never turns out pleasant these days with my tummy. To be frank though I ain't sorry, cos I'm gonna stuff my face good.
Love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
P.s christmas tree is looking pretty awesome !!!
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