" ‘Confusion’ – I love that word! A state of mind that usually describes a kind of disorientation, and yet the etymology of the word points to a state of being ‘fused with’ something. Misidentified perhaps...
So what are we to make of this state of mind?
Let’s begin with a quote from a fine yogic text, The Pratyabhijna-Hrdaya, or The Heart of Recognition.
“The condition of one caught up in the cycles of existence is that of confusion brought about by his or her own powers when one does not fully know the Actor” (Sutra 12, The Heart of Recognition)
The sense of confusion here, taken in context of the whole text, is that of not seeing things clearly, and instead becoming identified with the objects of consciousness, which then draws us into cycles of existence – or patterns that appear to be inescapable. But what exactly are these objects of consciousness?
Well, anything really that appears to us within our own consciousness. Ordinary objects like tables and chairs, but more crucially here, ideas we hold about the things and the people in the world, including of course our ideas about ourselves. And those ideas we hold about ourselves have been created alongside our ideas about others – how we fit into the whole, or not.
We create an identity in this way and become fused with it. And yet how true is it really? Are there not so many other ways in which we could express ourselves too? And what about our ultimate nature (the Actor), full of undiscovered potential, but eclipsed by the cycles of existence that we have chosen through our current identity?
The practice of yoga tends to bring us towards a more introspective stance, where we give ourselves the time and space to reflect on these kinds of questions and possibilities. And over time, new ideas and understandings about our own unique nature arise into consciousness and can in turn affect our sense of identity. This tends to be slow, patient work which is often a good thing because whilst we are in the process of shifting our sense of who we are, we can experience a sense of disorientation, whilst we learn to accept deeper truths about ourselves. We may think we have become confused when in fact we are moving away from confusion.
Ultimately, we become more authentic, and as that begins to become established in our being, a beautiful sense of joy accompanies it. And as that joy arises, we can expand into it and really embrace the wonderful discoveries we have found. This is how the world changes because we can then shine our light outwards with greater clarity and brightness. Others will see this and our authenticity will attract trust. We will find others and co-create communities and then as long as we keep our hearts open and true, our empowerment will become magnified.
There may be challenges along the way of course, in particular in terms of having faith that this beautiful vision can become a reality. But I would encourage everyone to have faith in their own deepest truth. And if that truth escapes momentarily, which it will, keep looking and go find it again. Allow yourself the glorious beauty of your own being. "
I was recently asked to describe "who I am". I sat there and thought "actually..... who am I?" Can I answer this question? Yes I'm a girl, yes I'm British, but who am I? As I pondered this question I began to think does it matter who I am or whether I am happy with who I am?? When I think back to when I was a kid and I would say to myself "when I grow up I want to be .... "and then I look at myself now and think wow, I am nothing what I said I wanted to be, no where near where I wanted to be in my life, but I am happy? Yes. I started down 'that' route of happiness and I ended up in a very dark place. So I might not be the grown up Betty I once desired but where I am now is in a lot happier, healthier place.
The past few months have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me, but then one day recently I realised that there truly is no point in living in the past. No I can't take away the memories, but I can change how I remember them. So I've been pretty low, but a few weeks ago I woke up, and thought "fuck this". Literally, I text my fella and said I can't do this no more, this is not me !!!! That isn't me, I knew that I had more in me to give, more potential, more flare I just didn't fully know how to find this. ..... so.... when I read this post it just screamed out at me, the last paragraph staying in my thoughts loudly. The question of "who am I" might not be answered easily but keeping the faith that there is an inner me, a glorious beauty of my own being is what will help to keep me smiling. I know it wont happen over night, but hey what does?!?!?!?!
I can honestly say that yoga has really helped with this. I would advice any one to get themselves into a yoga class, not just for the physical benefits but to experience this wonderful side of it. I love my yoga sessions, I go, I sweat my ass off, pushing my body to it's limits, but I also use it to help calm myself, quiet down the crazy, and to focus my eyes on me, on the world again. Sorry this has all been a bit long winded, and thanks for hanging in there with me, I know this life can get so crazy, so hectic and we can all forget to just sit and listen.
so.............just close your eyes and listen. Trust me, it feels amazing.
Love xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
p.s my yoga teacher is on facebook at twitter if you want to follow her and get her up dates :)
Twitter - yogabird @canterburyoga
Facebook - Yogabird
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