Time.................

Well here I am again, injured and very pissed off. Bloody training for this Bath half Marathon and I've gone and bust my foot again. It actually has got me quite down. I literally only have........................ 7 weeks and 3 days, that's actually ridiculous, it truly is and even as I type this a small bead of sweat is beginning to appear upon my brow.    BUT    I went and saw a lovely podiatrist (yes they do exist) and he seemed to share my sense of urgency to heal quickly, so an insole it is!!! Just for normal day to day use until its healed. He said 'sadly it will make you limp, but as you are already walking like an idiot I'm sure you wont mind' big LOL...... so rest this week then back on it next week otherwise ill be crawling round the Bath Half. And I now have a challenge, competing with a friend..... 100 k in 4 weeks I think it is... maybe if i just pretend it doesn't exist then the pain will just go away...... maybe?.... Seriously though enjoying the training, even in this cold. I must get myself some gloves actually..... sorry thought out loud, but I must, my fingers were blue by the time I got home the other day. God I always look a picture, snot running out my nose, limping and every piece of skin on show is purple to blue. Who said exercise was good for you again.....????? 


     Okay well other than my foot mishap life seems to be plodding along quite well. Have had a few moments where I would have liked to have screamed, most of the time in specific peoples faces but I managed to control myself. I think sometimes I literally am just shocked at the lack of common courtesy towards fellow man people have and the inability to show empathy. Literally do you never put yourself in other peoples shoes??? Shocking, and sometimes rather depressing. I would like to think that most times in my life, with whatever decision I have to make I think about others, how will this effect them........ and if some one asks something of me, even at my own inconvenience 9 out of 10 times I would still do it, just to make them happy, to put a smile on some one else's face, to just basically help them out. But over these past couple of weeks it seems that this Samaritan like behaviour is very limited in this world, and I am beginning to believe that the more you give to others the more they take. I don't know what my point is as I know that this is me, I wont change, I will still give even to those that seems undeserving, but I suppose even though I moan about it, ultimately I enjoy giving, I really enjoy putting myself out for others, and I ain't saying this to get a 'well done' or a pat on the back, its just a better way to live. I can remember being quite a bitter and selfish teenager and there was no pleasure in that at all. I suppose the lesson I need to learn is to not be walked all over, to give to those that deserve it, that like me have a kind and selfless heart and to not be a door mat and take peoples shit. They know who they are, they prey on people like me, you see me and take advantage. Maybe the lesson to be learnt is not by me but by you, stop thinking you have any right to treat people with such little respect, understand you are not the only person on this planet so just fucking grow up  !! 


  Okay............ rant over !

hmmmmmm marmite on toast........

Oh and Fyi I cant actually believe I am moving out of Bristol in .............. fuck.......... its under 2 months now. Bloody hell that is scary. Need to find a new job and a place to live. Way to much to do and way to little time to do it. I am sure that it will be fine (she says), gotta to keep it together, for my sanity sake I suppose. 


Right so random thoughts, maybe its just my time (if you get me girls) but I've been randomly been thinking about time..... yes actual time, as in 'tick tock'. I was doing my hair this morning and I was thinking about how our lives are so controlled by this 'thing' that is completely unseen, intangible. I was just thinking about how different my life could possibly be if there was just a small alteration in time, if I wasn't in a certain place etc..... the past year of my life has just be one crazy roller coaster and it makes me wonder if there was a slight change where would I be now, would I be just as happy, would I be sat here on a couch, half watching the man play skyrim whilst munching on a most delicious granny smith apple.....? Just who knows (although I'd like to think the apple would still play a part in any equation of my life ) mmmmmmmm fruit......   but yes anyways so time.... weird isn't it ??   Been talking to lots of people recently and have heard many sad stories, people losing loved ones or being diagnosed with an ailment, which is normally the Big C, and it just really makes me think. Although my life has been very short so far I have been through and experienced a lot and it is so important to realise what you have got, I have met some truly humbling people over my life, one lady in particular last week told me about her husband who found out he had a brain tumour then in 6 weeks passed away. She told me that they just focused on the today and enjoyed every last minute. That was 13 years ago, and of course she misses him but she just remembers and admires him for being able to still appreciate what he had although he knew it was being snatched away from him, so completely out of his control. Now I can honestly say that that is how we should live, not be spiteful or holding grudges, they don't help or take away any pain, then just bog you down and hinder you from enjoying what little 'time' with have here. Not worth it. Her story was straight from the heart and very moving.
   I think on that note I will leave it.... maybe I will sit here and ponder more about.....yes ..... time........ maybe......


love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx